What is your greatest fear?

 

When I was young, I was most afraid of the dark and the monsters lurking in it. And when I grew up a little bit, I was most afraid of failing my subjects because my parents will get mad at me. As I grew much older, and my parents are growing older ahead of me, I feared the fact that I can lose them anytime soon.

But growing up, I realized that monsters aren’t real, grades don’t define my future and death is inevitable. I started to dig deeper within myself and assess what really scares me the most and what are the things that I cannot bear to live with. I realized, above everything, I fear regret the most. The feeling that creeps out on you at night that will not allow you to sleep. You are haunted with questions of what if’s and what could have been’s. The feeling of walking into the world with a gaping hole in your chest from missing great opportunities. The feeling of wanting to move forward but you can’t help looking back. And lastly, the feeling of knowing that you haven’t lived your life well and slowly and unconsciously the hour glass is trickling all the remaining sands away and worse, you won’t realize it until it’s too late. Until you have nothing but regrets and wasted time.

Just like other fears, this one can be overcome as well. Maybe as I get older and more mature I will learn to accept things and leave regrets behind. Maybe someday, I will find something so beautiful that will make all the missed opportunities, what if’s and could have been’s make perfect sense. And one day, I will be able to let go of the regrets because I know that whatever I have gone through, all the failures and confusions led me to the thing that I well deserved.

 

xx,

Andrea

 

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