I Don’t Want To Be Another Love, Rosie

Missed opportunities. Yeah, who likes that?

I was frustrated most of the time I was reading Love, Rosie.  I was screaming in my mind the entire time, because I wanna tell them that they are meant to be together, so just fucking tell each other how you feel. If they just listened to me, their happy every after, should have come sooner.

But in real life, there are people who just miss each other every time. Like, I don’t know, they are scared of putting their guard down and admitting that ‘hey, I think I’m in love with you’. Instead, they just go on their everyday lives, carrying that feeling in their heart, so strong it could change lives!

I don’t want to be like Rosie. And I don’t want someone like Alex. If you like me, you just f*ckin’ tell me. I am not a mind reader and I don’t play some mind games, because honestly I don’t have that much time to think about your actions. I hate confusing actions! I mean, one day, you’ll be so sweet and all, then the next day, you just don’t f*cking care. Like how can you do that?

Life is so short to pass up opportunities of being with the person you love. One day you’re sixteen, you got life ahead of you.You have a lot of time to make mistakes, to make wrong decisions, then one day you’ll wake up and you’re 40. And you just can’t go back and change things. You just have to move forward with your life.

Would you like to move forward with what-if’s in your head or would you rather move forward knowing that you’ve taken that chance on someone,who may or may not be for you, but who cares at least you had courage to try.

Choose wisely.




Things That I Will Tell These College Students

After a while, I went back to USTe to request for my Transcript of Records. I am an alumna of the University for almost 5 years now. And I will tell you, everytime I go back to USTe, the feels are just so strong. It’s a mixture of nostalgia and envy. Everytime I will walk at the pathwalk, I feel like I am a freshman student again, walking fast, for I may be late to class, and at the same time breathing all of the unfamiliarity of the University, like seeing it and discovering it for the first time. Every time, I see a college student walking or sitting, I have this urge of coming up to her and tell her to enjoy her college life and make the most out of it. Because in one blink of an eye, it is all over. And you can never go back.

So there, while I was feeling nostalgic on the ride home, I thought of blogging my thoughts. What could I probably tell my young, innocent, 16 year old self about college. Now that I am an adult (or feeling adult, haha) I might have some good advice, noh?

Continue reading “Things That I Will Tell These College Students”

Lately, I’ve been, I’ve been losing sleep.

The last few days of December until the present were hard for me. I thought I had a problem with my heart, when I experienced discomfort in my chest. I consulted a Cardiologist immediately, and tests were conducted (ECG, 2D Echo, Stress Test and Blood Test). Initially, it was found that I have Sinus Arrythmia or in layman’s term: irregular heartbeat. It sounded simple but I did get scared upon knowing it. I had lost my appetite and was very sad (I don’t like to say depressed). But started to miss work and just stay at home. Then one day, I realized that I was just anxious, and I shouldn’t be because irregular heartbeat is a common thing and is totally harmless. So, I regained myself back. And while I was happy and active again, I got the result of the 2D Echo showing that has the diagnosis: Mitral Valve Prolapse, Cardiac Dysrythmia. Man, I was devastated. I lost my appetite again and was scared for my life. It was until I show my test results to my Cardio that she cleared up that all the tests were normal and no, I don’t have Mitral Valve Prolapse nor Cardiac Dysrythmia. Thank God!

I was very very happy with that news. But even after that news, I still don’t want to eat. I lost my appetite and despite being cleared of any heart diseases, I still experience palpitations. Later, I learned that I was anxious. I was having anxiety attacks, where in a certain thought will cross my mind, and then I will start getting nervous that can lead into a chest pain.

It was a scary incident for me. I reached the point where I can’t even sleep, because I don’t know how to. I try to close my eyes, but my mind drifts away and the next thing I know, it’s time for me to get up again. It affected my daily activity and work. I usually call in sick for work and I feel unproductive most days.

I am still trying to figure out how I can battle this. The good thing is I don’t have a heart condition, but I guess my mind hasn’t accepted it yet. I hope everything will turn out well. And I hope I can overcome these fears and anxieties soon! I miss my old self, my jolly, old self. Plus, I don’t want to make my parents worry. Sometimes, I feel great but there are times, when the feeling of panic overpowers me.

I know I am stronger than this and I know God is always there for me and He will guide me all through out this challenge.

So, that is what has been happening to me for the last few days. I wanted to blog again, but I don’t have the energy to do such. But now that I do, I remember how good and relaxing it feels. Though, my mind is absolutely unorganized right now. I am happy, I was able to write this.