Lately, I’ve been, I’ve been losing sleep.

The last few days of December until the present were hard for me. I thought I had a problem with my heart, when I experienced discomfort in my chest. I consulted a Cardiologist immediately, and tests were conducted (ECG, 2D Echo, Stress Test and Blood Test). Initially, it was found that I have Sinus Arrythmia or in layman’s term: irregular heartbeat. It sounded simple but I did get scared upon knowing it. I had lost my appetite and was very sad (I don’t like to say depressed). But started to miss work and just stay at home. Then one day, I realized that I was just anxious, and I shouldn’t be because irregular heartbeat is a common thing and is totally harmless. So, I regained myself back. And while I was happy and active again, I got the result of the 2D Echo showing that has the diagnosis: Mitral Valve Prolapse, Cardiac Dysrythmia. Man, I was devastated. I lost my appetite again and was scared for my life. It was until I show my test results to my Cardio that she cleared up that all the tests were normal and no, I don’t have Mitral Valve Prolapse nor Cardiac Dysrythmia. Thank God!

I was very very happy with that news. But even after that news, I still don’t want to eat. I lost my appetite and despite being cleared of any heart diseases, I still experience palpitations. Later, I learned that I was anxious. I was having anxiety attacks, where in a certain thought will cross my mind, and then I will start getting nervous that can lead into a chest pain.

It was a scary incident for me. I reached the point where I can’t even sleep, because I don’t know how to. I try to close my eyes, but my mind drifts away and the next thing I know, it’s time for me to get up again. It affected my daily activity and work. I usually call in sick for work and I feel unproductive most days.

I am still trying to figure out how I can battle this. The good thing is I don’t have a heart condition, but I guess my mind hasn’t accepted it yet. I hope everything will turn out well. And I hope I can overcome these fears and anxieties soon! I miss my old self, my jolly, old self. Plus, I don’t want to make my parents worry. Sometimes, I feel great but there are times, when the feeling of panic overpowers me.

I know I am stronger than this and I know God is always there for me and He will guide me all through out this challenge.

So, that is what has been happening to me for the last few days. I wanted to blog again, but I don’t have the energy to do such. But now that I do, I remember how good and relaxing it feels. Though, my mind is absolutely unorganized right now. I am happy, I was able to write this.