Welcome (back) to my life.

God knows I have waited for this moment. I have spent weeks even months waiting for that thumbnail to appear again on my phone screen which signifies that ____ sent you a message. I prayed to God and wished for it to happen, but nothing. Then out of nowhere, one night I woke up, I reached out for my phone and saw that small circle in my phone screen. My eyes were squirting as it tries to comprehend who sent me a message. The picture looks new, not the usual people who send me messages. And then I realized, it was him. My eyes grew big. I opened and read the message…

He was just asking where I am. Just like the usual question he asks everytime he tries to start a conversation – a year ago.

I felt nothing.

Nothing. No pulse racing, butterflies in tummy feeling, no wide grin plastered on my face. None of the things I thought I would feel did I feel on that day.

I was happy, yes I was. Happy that finally he came around. Happy that I confirmed that we are in a speaking termsĀ again. Happy that I get to talk to him again just like before. But no, I’m no longer in love/like with this person.

I have long moved on. After so many weeks, even months, of reading self-help books and thought catalog articles, after months of finding closure within myself, after months of wanting to talk to him, after months of setting a right mindset on how to handle the situation, FINALLY, I have moved on, praise to God.

And it feels good! To respond to the person’s message without any attempt of pleasing him, without thinking if you send the right message or if you replied too quickly or not. It doesn’t bother me anymore. And that’s how I know I only see him asĀ  a friend. Just another man I enjoyed talking to. It finally feels good to talk to someone you’ve been comfortable to talk to without wanting something more out of the friendship, without wanting anything back. I’m just glad I know I can send you a message anytime and that we are good. It’s as if a year hasn’t passed.

To you, I’m glad we are friends again! And I hope we can catch up real soon!